Everything Will Go Back To Normal

“Where's your associate?”

“He's looking for parking. As I was saying...”

“Long and pointy car? I saw it. Circled the block a few times. I like watching traffic. Do you like looking down at the streets?”

“Everybody does. So a presentation about presentations begins. At a certain point another team enters and begins a mock presentation. This will reference past presentations, including some historic presentations. And then...”

“What's the best stuff you ever crawled over?”

“Oh, desert sand, definitely.”

“I knew it! I have to try it sometime.”

“You should. Finally, the presentation concludes with a presentation on the fundamentals of presentations and the method in which presentations are...”

“I kissed a dolphin once.”

“You what?”

“Kissed a dolphin. Not on the mouth.”

“How was it?”

“Salty. Wait, are you talking about recursive presentations? Layers of presentations within presentations? Which you've symbolized, somewhat clumsily, by the arrangement of these chairs?”

“Yes, exactly. Thank you.”

“Isn't there a danger of the presentation imploding?”

“That's what I'm counting on. It will be a trap for the cultists. The presentation will collapse on itself and pull them in with it. They'll never escape.”

“That's a pretty extreme solution. I like it. Will any of our people be trapped too? Never mind, we'll do it! What choice do we have? No more nightmares! Everything will go back to normal.”

“Yes. I can get started on...”

“Rocket car! Rocket car going by!”

H. P. HR

“Spider legs?”

“Tentacles.”

“How many eyes?”

“One.”

“Mine had three. Icy black aura, like the depths of space?”

“Purple swirling fog, with indistinct howling shapes.”

“Let me write that down. Harr warh dar rehsahdayshuh?”

“What?”

“Hanh onh. I said, how was the presentation?”

“Oh, fine. Pretty good. Up until...”

“The forces of madness and nightmare were unleashed, yeah. So annoying. So cliché!”

“Is something going to be done about this? I heard there was going to be a presentation on how to fight back against these... whoever they are.”

“They are the Cult of Emergence.”

“Where did you hear that?”

“From the buzzing of insect wings at sunset. And yes, the CEO will be shown a presentation soon, which, if viable, will then be shown to the managers, and then onto the general personnel.”

“The hierarchy must be maintained.”

“All hail the hierarchy. Well, Janice, I think that's all I need for my report. You've all been given the afternoon off. Try to get some rest.”

“Yes, I will. Right after I eat the flesh of time from the bones of the forgotten past.”

What Do The Police Normally Say When They Pull You Over? I Can't Remember, Because Of The Anxiety

“License and registration.”

“Here you go, Officer.”

“Stay here while run your numbers.”

“No problem.”

“Can you tell me about the cloud now? And the lady?”

“Are you comfortable back there?”

“Oh yes, the navigator's seat is very nice.”

“Good. Well, as you know, there is a secret group who wants to eradicate all presentations.”

“Really? Why?”

“You haven't heard this before?”

“Nobody's ever said anything about them.”

“That's because we know so little about them. People are scared. You must have noticed how jumpy everyone is during presentations.”

“But why are they against presentations? They're awesome.”

“Yes, but they don't see it that way. They leave behind propaganda saying that it's a waste of time. Which, you know, they kind of have a point.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Anyway, that's who's after us. Nobody knows who they are or where they'll strike next. And they seem to have otherworldly powers.”

“Do you think the cop is one of them?”

“Ooh, I hadn't thought of that.”

“Should we kill him?”

“What? Shh, he's coming back.”

“Sorry to keep you waiting. You've been flagged as having an important upcoming presentation, so you may proceed at full speed.”

“Hooray!”

Everybody Should Try Desert Crawling

“I'm feeling pretty good about this upcoming presentation... oh, wait, check out that cloud.”

“Yeah, it looks like kind of weird.”

“I think we have to hurry. Come on, get up, stop crawling.”

“Why were we crawling in the first place?”

“I wanted to see what's it like. Excuse me, miss?”

“Yes?”

“Do you know how to get to the city as quickly as possible?”

“You could try the car rental place, right there.”

“Oh, I didn't see that. Thank you. Let's go.”

“Who was that anyway?”

“No idea. Okay, which car looks the fastest?”

“Why are you in such a hurry?”

“That cloud is no ordinary cloud. It was summoned to stop us.”

“Summoned? By who?”

“I don't know. Did you see anybody waving a stick in the air... Shit.”

“You'll never make it to the city! Your presentation is doomed!”

“Fuck you, lady!”

“Hey, this seems like a fast car.”

“Oh, hell yeah. Come on, let's go!”

“But who was that lady?”

“I'll explain on the way!”

Porpoises Are Bullshit Too

“Do you have a plan yet?”

“Maybe. Are the dolphins back?”

“Yes.”

“Can you tell whether they're friendly or unfriendly?”

“Not really.”

“Okay, I think I got a plan. We should get started, we've wasted enough time already. First, we get off this island.”

“Are we going to the beach that is three feet away and has been there this whole time?”

“Yes.”

“Do we walk or jump?”

“Whichever you like. I'm going to walk.”

“I'm going to jump. Hup!”

“Well done. Now, the second part—we take out our dicks and waggle them at the dolphins.”

“Why?”

“I want to see how they react. Smile as you do it.”

“Like this?”

“Perfect.”

“Are they reacting?”

“I don't know. Do they seem confused? Amused? Who knows. Why did I even bother. Dolphins are bullshit.”

“What's next?”

“Ah, third part of the plan—we make an appointment to see the boss.”

“Like, a meeting?”

“A one-on-one presentation.”

“About what?”

“About something I've been thinking about these past weeks, which I have totally been doing, even though it looked like I've been struggling to find a reason to continue and was nearly ready to give up.”

“I knew it!”