Bite It

“Is the Girl Scouts Conference this way?”

“No, that's on the second floor.”

“I thought the second floor was the Women's Leadership Conference.”

“That's this floor.”

“Okay. Were they expecting a delivery?”

“No, I don't think so.”

“Well, the label says GS, third floor. Look.”

“Wrong address. That's across the street. Goldman-Sachs.”

“Ah, of course! Giant rubber wiener!”

Medieversace, Or The Knights Templarmani

“It's velour.”

“Is that all you got? You think I'm going to break?”

“Well, it's amazing. It really catches the light.”

“Thank you. Okay, you get to smell the glove again.”

“No! Not again! I'll talk, I'll talk!”

“Good. Tell us about the plot.”

“And tell us the plans for next season.”

“What plot? I'm loyal! I didn't do anything! And hemlines are going up, and we're going to see a lot more color in hosiery.”

“We know you're a rebel!”

“Do you think we're idiots? Obviously spring/summer will be lighter and brighter! What are the new trends?!”

“I'll never tell! The plot is already in motion and can't be stopped, you fools! No, not the glove! No! Cinches!”

“Cinches?”

“Belts! Straps!”

“Of course! What was I thinking? Why didn't you say something?”

“Because... I'm a rebel too! Hiyaah! Freedom! Let's go!”

“Damn, the fashion world is cruel and confusing.”

Chiklis

“I am very disappointed! I am! I'm a bald fucker with a ridiculous pet! But that's okay. It's about living with disappointment. Even our choices are out of our control. What's that? Are you hungry? Are you sleepy? Do you feel anything besides instinct? Look, your food is over there, your bed is over there, do whatever you want. I'll be in the study, writing some Fantastic Four erotic fanfic.”

Class Struggle Is Here!

“The penis is here!”

“It's here? Did they just leave it by the door?”

“The neighbors took the delivery.”

“But I was home all day! I hate that.”

“Well, don't worry about it. We got it.”

“Let's take a look. Hmm.”

“Seems okay.”

“Fully articulated, right?”

“Oh yeah, see?”

“Can we change the expression on its face?”

“I think so. Yeah, there we go. Just mash it into anything.”

“What's in the briefcase?”

“It looks like instructions and an extra penis.”

“Okay. I guess it will do.”

“You don't sound happy.”

“It's just... I never thought it would come to this.”

“What, that the war would cause executive businesswomen to form platonic lesbian partnerships who employ sex robots to be sexually serviced?”

“No. I'm just disappointed all the working-class models were sold out.”