Headwear Conscious

“Dude, it's getting pretty fucked up out there.”

“Those fucking pirates. What a bunch of assholes.”

“Do you think we could contact the cowboys, maybe form an alliance...”

“Fuck the cowboys. They can't be trusted. We'll have to do this on our own.”

“What are you proposing?”

“If they want a war, we'll give them a war.”

“Wow, really? Because I was thinking...”

“No, I'm just kidding.”

“What? You don't want to go to war?”

“No, that would be insane. Do you know how dangerous it is? We could get killed. Plus, all we'd be able to do is bite. Have you ever bitten somebody? It's gross. Super gross.”

“So we're not going to war?”

“No, nobody wants that. We're not monsters.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“What were you going to say?”

“Oh, nothing. So what are we going to do?”

“I'll tell you how we're going to strike back—verbal humiliation.”

“What?”

“We craft some really choice insults. Totally mess with their heads. That'll send them running.”

“That's the plan? Everybody has agreed to this?”

“So far. Why, you have a better idea?”

“No, it's fine. It's just... do you think we can get a uniform to wear?”

“You want to wear a uniform?”

“I have a few sketches, I've been working on some different designs. Maybe I could send them to a committee, see what they think. Maybe some of the ideas are a bit bold. Do you think everybody would be okay with berets? I've been focusing on berets to complete the ensemble.”

“I think... that would totally fucking rock!”