The Worst Enemy of Genitals

“Sure I have a boat. In my pants.”

“Is that sarcasm?”

“I don't know anymore. I'm sorry. I'm so confused.”

“Look, there's plenty of wood lying around, why don't we build a boat.”

“Hey, that's a great idea. We'll be out of here in no time.”

“How big should it be?”

“It doesn't have to be that big.”

“But it would be nice if it was long. But not too long.”

“Are you talking about my penis?”

“No. And it shouldn't be very wide, that's just awkward.”

“Are you sure you're not talking about my penis?”

“I am not. The most important thing is that it should be smooth and comfortable inside, so we're nice and snug.”

“Are you talking about your vagina?”

“Yes!”

I Really Must Recommend Desert Crawling

“You will never know the joy of crawling on sand!”

“You went all that way to tell me that?”

“Yes!”

“And now you're going away?”

“Yes!”

“Okay. Say, have you seen anybody else lately? I'm looking for my crew.”

“Ooh, a fancy crew for your fancy boat.”

“Six of them, of various ages, which helps stabilize the temporal... wait, were you being sarcastic?”

“I don't know, was I?”

“Dammit! Not again! Get the hell out of here!”

“Why don't you make me?”

“I'll...”

“No! This is my sand! You can't touch it! Mine!”

“Wow. Fine. I won't step on your precious sand.”

“I'll be watching you!”

“Great, keep watching. That's the most important thing in the whole—oh no, sarcasm!”

The Worst Enemy of Boats

“There was a time, before reality fractured, when I would be worried about this.”

“I'm scared, Papa!”

“Who said that? What did I tell you about sarcasm?”

“Don't use it around boats. Sorry. But, you know, still—shouldn't we be worried?”

“No. Look, it's all foam. Mostly foam. Creepy foam. Gross. Okay, we're close to the confluence. Does everybody have their flashlights?”

“Yes.”

“Everybody have their goggles?”

“Yes.”

“Everybody have their unfaltering sense of wonder and adventure?”

“Yes.”

“No. Wait, found it.”

“Ten seconds until the portal opens! Take a last look around! Brace yourselves!”

“Papa, I don't want to leave!”

“Who said that?”