The Inevitable

“I feel like it's time to talk about Trump.”

“Huh?”

“Or maybe not. It's a lot to parse. Also, I've been avoiding topical subjects. I have a legacy to consider. Hey, are you doing okay there, kiddo? Want to trade shovels yet?”

“No!”

“Okay. But I would like to talk to you about human nature. And the nature of all things. And the one driving principle, which is variation. Endless variation. And variation is just a system for creating mistakes. Endless mistakes. Everything is a mistake. We are all mistakes.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, exactly. Broken pieces in a broken machine. Wow, look at that dog!”

“Where? No!”

“Let go of the shovel!”

“No!”

“Fine. But my point is... Uh, what was my point?”

“Don't be a sucker?”

“No, that's not it. I'll think of it later. Let's go back inside. The snow will melt sooner or later anyway.”

It Is Unrelated To His Profession

“Don't step on my balls please, thank you. Don't step on my...”

“Wallace? You doing this again?”

“Oh, hey, Bill. Isn't it a nice day?”

“Sure, but you got to get up. Stop doing this to yourself.”

“Doing what? I'm not doing anything. If one of these people wants to do something...”

“Come on, give me your hand. There we go. Brush yourself off. We have things to do. There's a war going on.”

“The war? That's still a thing? I thought everybody gave up. It was pretty contrived to begin with anyway.”

“Listen, I just got word, something is going to happen. Something big. It will change everything.”

“What is it?”

“I don't know. But I've been assured it will happen. We just have to wait.”

“Does this mean we're winning? By the way, what side are we on? Are we bankers?”

“We're lawyers.”

“Right, lawyers. I knew that. Lawsuits, court, I remember now. Can I ask you something else?”

“Sure.”

“Could you kick me in the balls?”

But We Say It's Great

“Sex...”

“What? Did that fish just say 'sex'?

“Sex...”

“It did. That's weird. They usually don't say anything.”

“Sex is...”

“Sex is what? Are you trying to tell me something? Or did it say 'sexist'? Are you calling me a sexist? Because that's just...”

“Sex is really...”

“Okay. The fish has something to say about sex. Why is it saying it to me? Here it comes again.”

“Sex is really...”

“And why am I talking to myself? Man, I have been in this river too long, I'm losing it.”

“Sex is really...”

“Come on. One big jump. Let's get this finished. I won't even grab you. Let's go. Sex is really...?”

“Sex is really gross...”

“Huh. And there it goes. To spawn. Makes you think. We're all stuck in our patterns of behavior, slaves to our genetic drive...”

“Dumb bear...”

Missing Lunch Can Affect Your Whole Day

“Is that your wife?”

“This was on Maui, on our twentieth anniversary.”

“That's lovely. You're a lucky guy.”

“Thank you. And thank you for coming in on such short notice. Plus I know it's lunchtime, sorry about that. Look at Bob, he hates missing lunch.”

“I get real hungry.”

“Oh, I know how you feel. Ha ha.”

“Ha. Because you're a shark. Well, we'll send these photos of your fiancee over to missing persons. Don't lose hope. If she's out there, we'll find her.”

“Thank you. I can't believe it's been two days already. I can't believe she's gone. I don't want my last memory of her to be when I had lunch with her.”

“How did she taste?”

“Delicious.”

“You're under arrest!”

“Tool of the state!”