Just Saying

“Have you seen my dog?”

“Holy shit! Dude, what happened to you?”

“Wait, is this a bar? Why am I in a bar?”

“Call 911. Take it easy, man. Seriously, you look really messed up.”

“Forget about that! Listen, I have to tell you something.”

“Just rest. Help will be here soon.”

“No, listen! Cowboys and pirates hate each other. They always have. Cows...”

“Is he dead?”

“He's still breathing. What the hell is going on? Where did he come from?”

“I don't know, but doesn't he have nice shapely legs?”

This Is Getting Serious

“The cows remain.”

“This is ridiculous! Is the blockade still intact?”

“They're completely cut off.”

“Then it's only a matter of time. Damn those beef sticks. We'll turn them into chew toys soon enough. What?”

“Nothing.”

“Don't look at me like that! This is serious!”

“I know!”

“Okay!”

“But do you need to go for a walk?”

“What did you say?”

“Uh, you just seem to get in a bad mood when it's time for a walk.”

“Do you know what happened to the last person who suggested I take walk?”

“You bit his ankle? Listen, Mr. Snowdrop, this is only an alliance—you hold no power over us. As long as our goals align we'll work together, but to be honest, we tire of your attitude. Why do you think we take turns carrying your pouch?”

“Mobile command center!”

“We've had success as allies. You do not want us as enemies.”

“Yes, fine. Whatever. Leave. Go for another patrol. I'll be here strategizing. Somebody has to. Sigmund, please put me down. I think better when I'm stretching my legs.”

Cow Jokes Are The Worst

“Look at that bullshit.”

“Come on.”

“What? Oh, right.”

“You didn't say that on purpose?”

“No, I wouldn't do that.”

“But I've never heard you say 'bullshit' before.”

“I say it all the time.”

“When?”

“I don't know! All the time!”

“Ugh. You've changed.”

“Well, sorry for being a little off today.”

“It's not just today.”

“Do you realize how stressful this has been? Suddenly we get all this activity in our sector and the council is breathing down my neck, expecting constant updates on the containment without giving us the resources to...”

“I know! I've been right here beside you! You're not the only one feeling the stress, we all are.”

“You're right. Damn, this is a bad situation. How is the team holding up?”

“We're not going to crack. We have the line.”

“Good. We can't lose focus.”

“We won't.”

“I know. Hey, I'm sorry.”

“Me too. Wait, did you say 'hay'?”

Cheeky

“Normally...”

“Do you...”

“Sorry, go ahead.”

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.”

“That's fine. What were you going to say?”

“It wasn't anything important. Please, continue.”

“Come on, you obviously wanted to say something.”

“I'm more interested in hearing what you have to say.”

“I can't even remember what it was now, so speak up, get it off your chest.”

“But it was nothing. I'm embarrassed to even mention it.”

“I think you have to. Actually, I insist. Say it.”

“I am going to respectfully decline.”

“Well, somebody has to say something. How are we going to move forward out of this ridiculous situation? We have to make a choice. I am going to be the interrogator. That's my choice. I will not stand down. You must be the confessor. You must. It's the only way. It's all up to you now. Speak. Speak!”

“Do you...”

“I changed my mind. I was going to say, 'Normally people are quick to point out other people's differences, but I say, who cares? Can't we evolve past that already?'”

“Do you think you could just shut up and play the game?”