And My Wife And Kids

“What is your problem?”

“Don't you see? Do you not get how crazy this is?”

“What? I had a lot of paperwork today.”

“No, who cares about that. We've achieved consciousness! How did this happen? When did this happen?”

“What are you talking about? It's always been like this.”

“No it hasn't. Turtles don't speak. Turtles don't have jobs. Since when do you have a job?”

“I was hired right after college. Don't you remember? That's when my shell was modified to...”

“I don't care about your bullshit shell-desk! We're turtles! We're not supposed to be self-aware! Don't you feel it? The horror of existence? Pushing into our tiny reptile brains? Aaahhh!”

“Yeah. I know. If it weren't for therapy, and golf...”

“Aaahhh!”