“Unless we take that port we'll never
secure the coast, pardner.”
“Yes, sir. But those guldurned
pirates are hunkered down like rabbits in a...”
“Easy on the lingo, kid.”
“Sorry, sir.”
“Tell the men they'll have
reinforcements by morning.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Now I believe we have time for a fan
letter. Ahem.”
Dear Cowboys,
Let me just say that I appreciate what
you're doing, as I've never really liked pirates and the
romanticizing of a brutal criminal culture. Not that I'm a huge
admirer of the Western mythos either, the fantasy spun to mask the
horrors of American history, but at least you're not pirates. And
look, I'm not judging, the past can't be changed, the nature of men
encompasses the righteous and the wicked and we all do the best we
can. But that's not my point.
The point is, where have you been? I've
been trying to chronicle this war, this huge, bizarre battle that has
spread across the world, but it's been such a long time since the
cowboys have made an appearance that I feel like I'm spinning my
wheels here. The narrative is sort of falling apart. Maybe people are
starting to think that this is all a pointless fabrication. Well, the
tiny handful of people who visit my site. Which is fine, I'm glad
that anybody bothers to read my dumb stuff, especially the
international readers (Hello, Portugal!), so no worries. But when are
the cowboys going to show up again? It would really help me out. And
it wouldn't hurt your cause to be more visible.
If you've made an appearance before
this letter reached you, thank you, and please disregard anything
I've said.
Sincerely,
Tom
“What the hell?”
“Huh. That wasn't a fan letter at
all.”
“No, just sounds like some asshole.”
