This Is Probably A Little Angry

“Okay, I think that was a very good first session, I feel we've established a very good base on which to build. Would you agree?”

“But I'm still so sad.”

“Yes, we both agree that you are sad. Now, in the time before our next session, as an exercise, I would like you to think about the idea that you are old and stupid.”

“What?”

“Just the idea. Just entertain the possibility that it's true, as a therapeutic tool. You are old and stupid and a fucked-up asshole and a piece of shit.”

“Wait a minute...”

“Just think about it. Turn it over in your mind. I believe it will help. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to fuck off. I'll be stepping the fuck out of this insane delusion. No gods! No gods!”

100th Post! Can That Be True? I Guess So!

“I think you know where I'm going with this.”

“Yes, I do.”

“You seem a little disappointed.”

“I'm just tired. No, it's fine. It fits the occasion. Callbacks are good.”

“I suppose. Well, I'm a little disappointed. I thought there'd be more. I just wanted... say, could you slip your hand in and take over? I'm getting a cramp.”

“Sure.”

“Thanks. I just wanted to break some new ground, you know? Callbacks are okay, self-reference is okay, but what are we missing? I feel like there's this edge we should be exploring, but we're not approaching it at the right angle and we can't quite find it. Do you know what I mean?”

“What? Sorry, I was distracted by your harness. Is there a reason it's shaped that way?”

“Yes. Is that glass empty? Could you hand it to me? Okay. Okay. There, that's it. You can stop. Thank you.”

“No problem. Well, I'm not sure what you were expecting—it's only an anniversary for us. Anyway, I have get going, special meeting tonight. Don't wait up for me, dear.”

“Yeah, I might have a late night too, I think I'll circle the city and fight capitalism. See you in the morning, honey.”

The Salesmanship Is The Thing

“Helloooo! Can I ask you... oh, you don't have a mouth. Well, this is awkward.”

*Go on, ask.*

“Wow, telepathy! Sorry, I shouldn't have presumed anything. As I was saying, I'd like to ask...”

*Let me stop you right there. I perceive the question. I must decline, and I must ask you a question—how did it come to this? Where did it go wrong?*

“Am I at the right table?”

*Probably not. That's okay. If you'll excuse me, I was just leaving. I have some alcohol molecules to assimilate. Enjoy the mummery of late-stage capitalism!*

“Yes, thank you! She seems nice. Am I even at the right party? Did I overshoot the timeline again? This is getting so confusing. Still, I bet one of these ladies will be interested in my... oh, you're back!”

*Do you have a free sample?*

“Yes!”