Did He Unbutton His Pants?

“Pretty creepy, eh?”

“Why do you say that?”

“You don't think magicians are creepy?”

“Not really. It's a ridiculous and archaic form of entertainment but I wouldn't say it's creepy.”

“Huh. Most people think they're creepy.”

“Are you... Do you have a creepy fetish? Is that why you're showing me these things? Is that why you're touching me like that?”

Uhh... Is it working? Do you think I'm creepy?”

“Are you admitting that you get off on creeping women out?”

“Well, yes. It started when I was a teenager. Something about my appearance and my behavior would naturally creep out the girls. I grew to like it. That look of disgust and scorn and pity on their faces. I crave it. All I'm looking for is a relationship with a women who thinks I'm a big creep. Is that too much to ask?”

“You should be more open about what you're looking for. I feel like you would have an easier time finding someone like that online, if you're upfront about your needs.”

“You're right. You're absolutely right. Sorry. I'll take you home.”

“Not so fast. Let's go back to the mime room and I'll think about it.”

They Were Dropped There From A Ship, A Pirate Ship, Because Pirates Do Not Like Cowboys

“Go ahead. Try it. Something is going to happen, I know it. Think of the possibilities—you could run on top of the water! Wouldn't that be cool? Or you could fly. Or a portal could appear and transport us across the ocean. What if you turned into a dolphin? Look, I know it sounds crazy, but we are absolutely due for a magical realism event. The readings, the signs, the messages intercepted between the seven flowers that secretly rule the world, they all point to a major potential conjuncture. All we have to do is harness it. We are not trapped on this island. You have to leap forward. Trust me. Just close your eyes and... you know, I didn't want to say something earlier, but are those big bugs flying around the tree, normal-sized birds in the sky, or very large birds very far away?”

Cultural Expectations

“Which are worse: anachronisms or trite fabrications?”

“Huh?”

“Never mind, I'm out of here. Here, you can have a paintbrush, and you can have a paintbrush, and guy with the club? Go fuck yourself.”

“Wah?”

“I'm a hunter now! Yes! Here we go! Do you see a spear anywhere around? No? That's okay, I'll make my own. And I'm taking off this ridiculous costume! There! Can you help me, my arm is stuck.... There! Isn't that more authentic? Right? Okay, now I'm going hunting. No dinosaurs! No dinosaurs!”

“Fuh?”

Vest Syndrome

“Do you see that guy at Gate 35? Don't look! Okay, look. The one in the black jacket.”

“What about him?”

“Do you think he looks suspicious?”

“No, I wouldn't say that.”

“Do you think he looks cute?”

“Uh, well, I guess so?”

“Go ask him where he got that jacket.”

“I'm not going to...”

“When you ask him, slip this into his pocket.”

“What's in it?”

“A knife and a pipe bomb.”

“Holy shit!”

“Shhh! And don't drop it, are you crazy? You're terrible at this.”

“What? I just want to go to Chicago!”

“Oh, nobody's going to Chicago. Have you looked out the window? Nobody is going anywhere until I get a new jacket. Oh my god, do you see that guy walking by? Don't look!”