So Mysterious!

“Uh, it's not real?”

“Correct. Because it would be impossible for a pie to exist here. Now come on, we have to keep moving.”

“Right. Where are we going?”

“Someplace safe.”

“And where are we now?”

“This is a jungle.”

“And who are you again?”

“I'm the one who's been assigned this retrieval mission.”

“And why are we naked?”

“Because we just had sex.”

“We did?”

“No. Wow, you must have really hit your head on that boat.”

“I guess. Do you have anything to eat? I sort of remember somebody saying there would be pie.”

“Look, you better get your head together soon, they could be on us at any minute.”

“Right. The pie people?”

How Did She End Up Here?

“I thought I saw a clown today.”

“What? Was it a clown?”

“It's kind of funny, because...”

“Don't fuck with me—was it a clown?!”

“No, just some weird old guy. Relax.”

“You have no idea how much danger I'm in. You never believe what I try to tell you.”

“I've accepted that you're a dimensional traveler, I just find it hard to believe that anybody's after you.”

“If you knew what I've done, who I've double-crossed...”

“You're a dangerous woman. That is so hot...”

“Don't touch my filtration unit! Sorry. Here, just... just eat your frittata. I have to go check perimeter security.”

“And maybe I can check your perimeter later? Honey? Honey? I'm good with women.”

So Close

“Aaaaand that did not relieve the boredom at all.”

“You know it's bad when biting random things is boring.”

“So fucking boring!”

“Staring at this gray nothingness for how long? How did we get stuck with this?”

“Yeah, why are we being punished?”

“Why aren't we giving up, that's what I want to know.”

“We're fucking sharks, we never give up. Hey, is that a boat?”

“No, it's a seagull.”

“Do you want to bite it?”

“No.”

“If we can accomplish one thing, just one thing, I think we can move on.”

“I agree. But what?”

“Let's see... do you want to make a dick joke?”

“Do sharks have dicks?”

“I have no idea.”

“Let's give up.”

Sam Is So Naive

“You're looking good.”

“Thanks. I'm feeling good.”

“Here's the package. It was delivered this morning.”

“All right, let's see what we got. Okay. Okay. Hmm. Interesting. A boat? Okay. Yeah, everything seems to be in order.”

“Great. When can we expect results?”

“Should be by the end of next week.”

“Is there any way to speed that up? Upper management wants to get this over with quickly.”

“They could contact the League to get another agent assigned, but that would double the cost, and even with two of us it might not accelerate the plan all that much.”

“I see. I'll let them know. Say, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Does the League of Clown Assassins specialize in tracking down transdimensional fugitives because they serve a secret multi-world post-capitalist corporate-fascist-entertainment hegemony?”

“No.”

“Okay, good.”

The Worst Enemy of Genitals

“Sure I have a boat. In my pants.”

“Is that sarcasm?”

“I don't know anymore. I'm sorry. I'm so confused.”

“Look, there's plenty of wood lying around, why don't we build a boat.”

“Hey, that's a great idea. We'll be out of here in no time.”

“How big should it be?”

“It doesn't have to be that big.”

“But it would be nice if it was long. But not too long.”

“Are you talking about my penis?”

“No. And it shouldn't be very wide, that's just awkward.”

“Are you sure you're not talking about my penis?”

“I am not. The most important thing is that it should be smooth and comfortable inside, so we're nice and snug.”

“Are you talking about your vagina?”

“Yes!”

I Really Must Recommend Desert Crawling

“You will never know the joy of crawling on sand!”

“You went all that way to tell me that?”

“Yes!”

“And now you're going away?”

“Yes!”

“Okay. Say, have you seen anybody else lately? I'm looking for my crew.”

“Ooh, a fancy crew for your fancy boat.”

“Six of them, of various ages, which helps stabilize the temporal... wait, were you being sarcastic?”

“I don't know, was I?”

“Dammit! Not again! Get the hell out of here!”

“Why don't you make me?”

“I'll...”

“No! This is my sand! You can't touch it! Mine!”

“Wow. Fine. I won't step on your precious sand.”

“I'll be watching you!”

“Great, keep watching. That's the most important thing in the whole—oh no, sarcasm!”

The Worst Enemy of Boats

“There was a time, before reality fractured, when I would be worried about this.”

“I'm scared, Papa!”

“Who said that? What did I tell you about sarcasm?”

“Don't use it around boats. Sorry. But, you know, still—shouldn't we be worried?”

“No. Look, it's all foam. Mostly foam. Creepy foam. Gross. Okay, we're close to the confluence. Does everybody have their flashlights?”

“Yes.”

“Everybody have their goggles?”

“Yes.”

“Everybody have their unfaltering sense of wonder and adventure?”

“Yes.”

“No. Wait, found it.”

“Ten seconds until the portal opens! Take a last look around! Brace yourselves!”

“Papa, I don't want to leave!”

“Who said that?”