Typing 'Prototype' Never Gets Easier

“Seven.”

“Seven?”

“Wait, what were you asking?”

“How many prototypes you've developed.”

“Eight. Eight iterations. The very early stages. And then they kicked me off the project.”

“Why?”

“They weren't clear about that.”

“Were you upset?”

“Of course. But they never understood the scale of my plans.”

“How would you feel about making an anti-prototype?”

“What?”

“We're prepared to offer you a substantial sum to work on...”

“What's an anti-prototype?”

“A device to neutralize the prototype.”

“An anti-device.”

“Yes, sure.”

“You want me to make a prototype of an anti-device. Because you can't make an anti-prototype, that doesn't make any sense.”

“If you say so. You'll have a state-of-the-art lab and a team of...”

“Unless... An anti-prototype... Is such a thing possible?”

“Uh, a hand-picked team of...”

“Good lord, the anti-prototype! Of course! I see it now! This could change everything!”

“Really?”

“Yes! Wait. No. No, that wouldn't work. Unless it was very, very large...”

There Should Be A Face

“First of all, I have to apologize for being late. I was reading conspiracy theories on the internet and lost track of time.”

“...?”

“That's not important. What's important is you coming to terms with your situation.”

“...”

“That's right. And since you're not anthropomorphized, you cannot move or speak, and you have no actual consciousness.”

“...?”

“Yes, I believe that's canon. If you had a little face drawn on you, you'd practically be a person.”

“...”

“You could say that I'm talking to myself, yes. You could say that all this is pointless. That's something I've been thinking a lot about lately. But I'm here, and you're here, and we have this time together, and I say we make the most of it.”

“...”

“Oh, no, I'm not a therapist.”

“...?”

“No, that would be crazy. Why would a mental health professional be talking to an inanimate object?”

“...?”

“That's a good question. It's too complicated to get into right now, but the simple answer is, I'm hot.”

It's Not The Gun

“Is that the prototype?”

“What, the gun?”

“No.”

“The guy?”

“No, the other thing.”

“The bird?”

“No. Wait, did you say gun? I meant the gun. Is that the prototype?”

“Probably not. Sometimes I wonder if the prototype even exists. You'd think they would've used it by now.”

“But you have to test a prototype. Once it's finished and ready to use, it's not a prototype anymore.”

“I hadn't thought of that. What do we call it then?”

“The... thing.”

“The item.”

“The object.”

“The device.”

“Ooh, I like that. The device is operational.”

“Activate the device.”

“Hey, everybody, the device is here.”

“The device looks nice.”

“Is that the device?”

“What, the gun?”

Whatever, Pailgirl

“Hey, Neckmouth, why are you so ugly?”

“Hey, Neckmouth, what's wrong with your face?”

“Hey, Neckmouth, is that your nose?”

“Hey, Neckmouth, do you even have a skull?”

“Hey, Neckmouth, nobody likes you.”

“Yeah, Neckmouth, nobody likes you.”

“You shouldn't even be here, Neckmouth.”

“You shouldn't even exist, Neckmouth.”

“Get out of here, Neckmouth.”

“Go stink up some other place, Neckmouth.”

“You'll never find the prototype, Neckmouth.”

“Aha! You want me to go, which means I'm close! The prototype has to be around here somewhere!”

“Way to go, Shovelboy.”

Everyone

“Everyone? Really? Hang on, I have to do something. Your Honor? I move to dismiss this case.”

“On what grounds, counselor?”

“Hm? Oh, you mean me? Sorry, I forget there are different names for lawyers. I usually refer to myself as a lawyer, like if I'm meeting somebody, just to simplify. I met some people at lunch today, so 'lawyer' is kind of stuck in my head right now.”

“Just answer the question.”

“Oh, right. On what grounds? On the grounds that, these people behind me? They're staring at my client with their beady eyes, and honestly, they all look like idiots. They look like a bunch of assholes. They don't know what it's like to be a lawyer. They don't know anything about the prototype, or the status quo, or post-capitalism. Why are they even here? Why are you people here?! Don't you have something better to do?!”

“I agree. They look like a bunch of dipshits. Case dismissed.”

“Hey, we won! I think we won. Your Honor, did we win?”

“Yes. Fuck off.”

“Cool, cool. That was easy. I guess we can go. But I don't think you really mean everyone. That can't be right.”

Look At That Dude In The Street—What Is He Holding?

“It's like there's never enough time.”

“What? Oh, I guess so.”

“We're so busy I can't even take a breath. Build the prototype, deliver the prototype, steal the prototype, destroy the prototype, build a new prototype... How do they expect us to keep up this pace? The plan is going to ruin us. Something is going to break, I can feel it.”

“It will all be over soon enough.”

“I suppose. Anyway, I enjoyed having sex with your wife last night.”

“It was nice, wasn't it?”

“Maybe we can do it again sometime?”

“We'll see.”

I Would Be Interested In Ghost Trains

“Ghost train!”

“I have to tell you, Doctor, I actually have no interest in ghost trains.”

“Really? You're not the least bit interested in the phenomena?”

“No. Also, I'm not really injured, and I'm not developing a mummification fetish.”

“So you've been lying this whole time? Our previous sessions were meaningless?”

“Yes. I'm actually here to ask you about the prototype.”

“What do you mean? What does that have to do with me?”

“Cut the act, Doc. We know you helped develop it.”

“Who are you? Are you a cowboy?”

“No, but close. We're trying to make sure the prototype ends up in the right hands. So tell me, under the right settings, what is the optimal...”

“Ghost train!”

“Not again. Wait, where did you get that?”

“Ha ha! The prototype is fueled by ghost train technology! You should have been paying better attention!”

“Now, Doc, don't do anything crazy...”

“Too late! No, just kidding, this is harmless. It looks like our time is up. Would you like to schedule another session? We could discuss the notion of grandiose delusions.”