The Personification War? The Archetype War? History Will Decide

“Oh, it's a buffalo.”

“Bison.”

“Whatever. For a second I thought we were going to have trouble.”

“He's a guest. I met him earlier, he's very nice.”

“From what I've heard, their truce with the cows is holding. But you never know. And they could join either side. They're very unpredictable. I read that on wikipedia.”

“Could we not talk about the war?”

“It's just so frustrating being on the sidelines. We're stuck here until the golfers decide what to do.”

“I don't understand why us sunbathers are aligned with the golfers.”

“We're country clubbers. Of course we would take our lead from the golfers.”

“I thought we were sunbathers.”

“No, we're... wait, are you talking about forming a splinter group?”

“Maybe I am. Because if this is about identity, I see myself as a sunbather.”

“Well, I don't. I'm a true country clubber. Anyway, I don't see how it would work out. You're going to have a problem with the bikini girls.”

“Nonsense, they're perfect allies. Along with the surfers, and the beach bums—we could form a powerful faction! I think I'm going to call a meeting.”

“Wait, where are you going? I just ordered drinks! Damn it. I knew I should have dated a banker.”

Why Did He Want To Know?

“How would you describe the morale on the front?”

“Hmm. I'd say everybody's on edge. It's like, what's going to happen next? Nobody has any idea.”

“So, it's the uncertainty.”

“Exactly. Things are changing so fast.”

“What do you think the reaction would be—and remember, everything we discuss here is strictly confidential—if the nuns entered the field?”

“The nuns? Really?”

“I can only say that it's a possibility. I'm just trying to assess their potential impact.”

“Who would they ally themselves with?

“The cowboys, of course.”

“Yeah, of course. Man, the nuns. That would be great.”

“You don't think it would only add to the chaos?”

“I don't think so? I mean, I was kind of expecting the nuns earlier than this. I think everybody was.”

“Perhaps. But the circumstances...” <ding> “Ah, your penis scan is complete. Let's see... Yes, it still looks like a penis.”

Speculative Foreshadowing

“Hey! Hey you! Hey! Yeah, you! No, I'm on top! The top of the pile! See me? That's right! Hey!”

“...”

“I can't hear you! But that's okay! Just tell everybody...”

“...”

“What? No, listen! I have information! You have to spread the message! Tell everyone—hey, don't walk away!”

“...”

“It's important! It's about the robots! It's... there he goes. Unbelievable. Was he a... Oh, hey! You! Yeah, up here! Hey!”

“...”

"Listen—the robots are coming!”

“...”

“Yeah, that's...”

“...”

“Already?!”

“...”

“That doesn't sound good!”

“...”

“Okay! Thanks! Huh. Crazy. I wonder what's going to happen next. Hopefully somebody will at least draw a picture of it.”

Moon Life

“I wonder...”

“Oh crap, I forgot to set the timer!”

“Did it burn?”

“No, but now I don't know when it will be done. Do you remember when I put it in?”

“It couldn't have been more than twenty minutes.”

“Really? I was thinking ten.”

“Can't you tell when it's done by looking at it?”

“This is moon bread, the time has to be exact.”

“Oh, I think it will be fine, we can just check it every five minutes.”

“It's going to be ruined.”

“You worry too much. Come here, let me pour you some more moon wine.”

“I think I need something stronger. Maybe a moon brandy.”

“Rough day?”

“I'm getting fed up with this moon job. The moon paperwork has been piling up, my moon boss has been breathing down my neck to file the next moon report, and if I have to sit through one more moon meeting...”

“Hey, it will be okay. I've been thinking, we could always go back to Earth.”

“With those cows? No thank you.”

“Yeah. But I wonder...”

“What?”

“I wonder if astronauts and pirates can form an alliance.”

Just Saying

“Have you seen my dog?”

“Holy shit! Dude, what happened to you?”

“Wait, is this a bar? Why am I in a bar?”

“Call 911. Take it easy, man. Seriously, you look really messed up.”

“Forget about that! Listen, I have to tell you something.”

“Just rest. Help will be here soon.”

“No, listen! Cowboys and pirates hate each other. They always have. Cows...”

“Is he dead?”

“He's still breathing. What the hell is going on? Where did he come from?”

“I don't know, but doesn't he have nice shapely legs?”

This Is Getting Serious

“The cows remain.”

“This is ridiculous! Is the blockade still intact?”

“They're completely cut off.”

“Then it's only a matter of time. Damn those beef sticks. We'll turn them into chew toys soon enough. What?”

“Nothing.”

“Don't look at me like that! This is serious!”

“I know!”

“Okay!”

“But do you need to go for a walk?”

“What did you say?”

“Uh, you just seem to get in a bad mood when it's time for a walk.”

“Do you know what happened to the last person who suggested I take walk?”

“You bit his ankle? Listen, Mr. Snowdrop, this is only an alliance—you hold no power over us. As long as our goals align we'll work together, but to be honest, we tire of your attitude. Why do you think we take turns carrying your pouch?”

“Mobile command center!”

“We've had success as allies. You do not want us as enemies.”

“Yes, fine. Whatever. Leave. Go for another patrol. I'll be here strategizing. Somebody has to. Sigmund, please put me down. I think better when I'm stretching my legs.”

Cow Jokes Are The Worst

“Look at that bullshit.”

“Come on.”

“What? Oh, right.”

“You didn't say that on purpose?”

“No, I wouldn't do that.”

“But I've never heard you say 'bullshit' before.”

“I say it all the time.”

“When?”

“I don't know! All the time!”

“Ugh. You've changed.”

“Well, sorry for being a little off today.”

“It's not just today.”

“Do you realize how stressful this has been? Suddenly we get all this activity in our sector and the council is breathing down my neck, expecting constant updates on the containment without giving us the resources to...”

“I know! I've been right here beside you! You're not the only one feeling the stress, we all are.”

“You're right. Damn, this is a bad situation. How is the team holding up?”

“We're not going to crack. We have the line.”

“Good. We can't lose focus.”

“We won't.”

“I know. Hey, I'm sorry.”

“Me too. Wait, did you say 'hay'?”