I Am Uncertain About This Direction

“Easy! We'll doing anything you say, right? So anyway, I said to her, look, you miserable cunt...”

“Your phone too, asshole.”

“Sure! I said, could you stop the fucking shit coming out of your mouth? It was worth it just to see her expression.”

“We're walking around that corner, if I see you I'll blow your fucking head off.”

“Right! No problem! So I'm going to put in my two weeks notice. Time to move on, babe. There has to be a better place.”

“You're right, it's time to get out. We'll be okay. I love you, you dipshit.”

Mermaid and Fireman

 

“They said we're doing a good job.”

“Well, we're doing a job, and we keep doing it, so that's good.”

“I think... look, I'm just going to say it, I think I know where a better island is. A bigger island. I think I know which tunnels to take. They won't find us there. We'll be out of the game. We'll find a bar made out of bamboo and strung with little colored lanterns and we'll drink and watch the sunset.”

“Wow. Can we really do that? It sounds so nice. I... oh my god, eighty-six points? Can you believe it? You were awesome! How did you come up with that ending?”

“Uh, just a riff. Just a passing thought.”

“That was great. Oh, they're calling us in. Do you know what we'll be next? I'm hoping for something a little less leggy.”

I Don't Know Anything About Business

“Nobody will save us. Do you even see us? Or are you looking at numbers on a page? You should talk to us. We can't help you, but we can put on a show. Am I drunk? Yes. Oh yes. And I would like to say before we go any further, and I feel like you'll appreciate this, because I would if you were to say it to me, I would like to say that your wife is so hot. So hot. She boils the air around her. She shoots heat rays into my brain. And yes, of course I accept the promotion! Thank you! I'm coming up there to give you a hug. Here we go. Come here, big guy.”

“Thank you for accepting. I think we'll be the best of friends.”

Off-Frame Adventures

 

“Are they still down there?”

“Looks like one of them is leaving. I think the other one heard us.”

“The braces are holding. We should be okay for now. So what were you saying before?”

“Oh. Well, I know it's bad timing, but I don't think this relationship is working out.”

“You... you're breaking up with me.”

“I'm sorry. I don't think I'm the girl for you. You'll meet someone else.”

“In this tree? I... whoa, did you see that? Over there! That's a parachute.”

“That plane just exploded! Wait, look at that storm coming. Is that a tornado?”

“What is that between the trees? Is that a bear? Holy crap, it's bigfoot!”

“My phone is dead!”

“Mine too!”

Hats Account For Fifty Percent Of Scores

“Is that it? I think that's it. Check the time?”

“Checking.”

“I think we're good on time.”

“Yes. We're clear.”

“Good. One less worry. Now the results. Have the points come in?”

“Not yet.”

“What score are we shooting for?”

“Thirties.”

“So low? Our hats alone should be worth twenty-five.”

“It was an obvious recovery move. And absurdity can be seen as weak, especially at this point in the game. But at least we're not making animals out of sticks.”

“Hey! Oh, points - thirty-two.”

“All right. Nobody can say we didn't try. Rescue boat is here. Let's head out. Sleeping With The Pigeons is concluded.”

“Or A Study of Ties: Buoyant Cement.”

Duran Duran

“Breathe in. Now out.”

“I suppose you're wondering...”

“No.”

“But aren't you curious...”

“No.”

“I'm not really...”

“Don't want to hear it.”

“Why won't...”

“I've been banned from cosplaying, all right? At every convention! The world is apparently not ready for a Thor/Barbarella mash-up. So do you want to be congratulated on a traditional and safe and boring costume? Well here you go buddy, a nice pat on the back.”

“Do you need a Loki?”

“No.”

Measuring Winces And Eye Rolls

“And this is the sandbox filled with baby teeth.”

“Whoa. Wait a minute.”

“What?”

“How did you get these boards into this room? They're way too long to even fit down this hallway, let alone the stairwell.”

“Through the window, by crane.”

“Ah. Yes.”

“Now in this next room is the lab where we test the hackiness of jokes.”