It Is Unrelated To His Profession

“Don't step on my balls please, thank you. Don't step on my...”

“Wallace? You doing this again?”

“Oh, hey, Bill. Isn't it a nice day?”

“Sure, but you got to get up. Stop doing this to yourself.”

“Doing what? I'm not doing anything. If one of these people wants to do something...”

“Come on, give me your hand. There we go. Brush yourself off. We have things to do. There's a war going on.”

“The war? That's still a thing? I thought everybody gave up. It was pretty contrived to begin with anyway.”

“Listen, I just got word, something is going to happen. Something big. It will change everything.”

“What is it?”

“I don't know. But I've been assured it will happen. We just have to wait.”

“Does this mean we're winning? By the way, what side are we on? Are we bankers?”

“We're lawyers.”

“Right, lawyers. I knew that. Lawsuits, court, I remember now. Can I ask you something else?”

“Sure.”

“Could you kick me in the balls?”

But We Say It's Great

“Sex...”

“What? Did that fish just say 'sex'?

“Sex...”

“It did. That's weird. They usually don't say anything.”

“Sex is...”

“Sex is what? Are you trying to tell me something? Or did it say 'sexist'? Are you calling me a sexist? Because that's just...”

“Sex is really...”

“Okay. The fish has something to say about sex. Why is it saying it to me? Here it comes again.”

“Sex is really...”

“And why am I talking to myself? Man, I have been in this river too long, I'm losing it.”

“Sex is really...”

“Come on. One big jump. Let's get this finished. I won't even grab you. Let's go. Sex is really...?”

“Sex is really gross...”

“Huh. And there it goes. To spawn. Makes you think. We're all stuck in our patterns of behavior, slaves to our genetic drive...”

“Dumb bear...”

Missing Lunch Can Affect Your Whole Day

“Is that your wife?”

“This was on Maui, on our twentieth anniversary.”

“That's lovely. You're a lucky guy.”

“Thank you. And thank you for coming in on such short notice. Plus I know it's lunchtime, sorry about that. Look at Bob, he hates missing lunch.”

“I get real hungry.”

“Oh, I know how you feel. Ha ha.”

“Ha. Because you're a shark. Well, we'll send these photos of your fiancee over to missing persons. Don't lose hope. If she's out there, we'll find her.”

“Thank you. I can't believe it's been two days already. I can't believe she's gone. I don't want my last memory of her to be when I had lunch with her.”

“How did she taste?”

“Delicious.”

“You're under arrest!”

“Tool of the state!”

Bite It

“Is the Girl Scouts Conference this way?”

“No, that's on the second floor.”

“I thought the second floor was the Women's Leadership Conference.”

“That's this floor.”

“Okay. Were they expecting a delivery?”

“No, I don't think so.”

“Well, the label says GS, third floor. Look.”

“Wrong address. That's across the street. Goldman-Sachs.”

“Ah, of course! Giant rubber wiener!”

Medieversace, Or The Knights Templarmani

“It's velour.”

“Is that all you got? You think I'm going to break?”

“Well, it's amazing. It really catches the light.”

“Thank you. Okay, you get to smell the glove again.”

“No! Not again! I'll talk, I'll talk!”

“Good. Tell us about the plot.”

“And tell us the plans for next season.”

“What plot? I'm loyal! I didn't do anything! And hemlines are going up, and we're going to see a lot more color in hosiery.”

“We know you're a rebel!”

“Do you think we're idiots? Obviously spring/summer will be lighter and brighter! What are the new trends?!”

“I'll never tell! The plot is already in motion and can't be stopped, you fools! No, not the glove! No! Cinches!”

“Cinches?”

“Belts! Straps!”

“Of course! What was I thinking? Why didn't you say something?”

“Because... I'm a rebel too! Hiyaah! Freedom! Let's go!”

“Damn, the fashion world is cruel and confusing.”

Chiklis

“I am very disappointed! I am! I'm a bald fucker with a ridiculous pet! But that's okay. It's about living with disappointment. Even our choices are out of our control. What's that? Are you hungry? Are you sleepy? Do you feel anything besides instinct? Look, your food is over there, your bed is over there, do whatever you want. I'll be in the study, writing some Fantastic Four erotic fanfic.”

Class Struggle Is Here!

“The penis is here!”

“It's here? Did they just leave it by the door?”

“The neighbors took the delivery.”

“But I was home all day! I hate that.”

“Well, don't worry about it. We got it.”

“Let's take a look. Hmm.”

“Seems okay.”

“Fully articulated, right?”

“Oh yeah, see?”

“Can we change the expression on its face?”

“I think so. Yeah, there we go. Just mash it into anything.”

“What's in the briefcase?”

“It looks like instructions and an extra penis.”

“Okay. I guess it will do.”

“You don't sound happy.”

“It's just... I never thought it would come to this.”

“What, that the war would cause executive businesswomen to form platonic lesbian partnerships who employ sex robots to be sexually serviced?”

“No. I'm just disappointed all the working-class models were sold out.”